kristinecuer

Finally!

I'm transferring (I don't know yet if this is for good) to a new site. I can't access blogger in the office since it's blocked and since 70% of the time I am in the office, it will be hard not to get in touch with my cyber-world so off with a different URL it is. Anway, I imported all of my blogs in my new site, so it's actually more or less the same with this blogger site of mine just with a better background and lay-out though^_^

Update:


February 09, 2011

My .tk account went down. It's a problem with the dot.tk site. I think since that .tk site of mine gained popularity they had it as a non-free domain instead. Such a scam. Anyway, I'm working on a new domain. This time, it's a non-free domain site so I'm pretty sure it's not a hoax.


Wait up for kristinecuer.com

ETA: 24-48 hours from now.

Follow me there again.^^


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50 Things I'm suppose/ I forgot to tell you.

1. I'm suppose to be enjoying my rest day. Maybe watch a movie or go shopping not writing this note for you.

2. But I had been on haywire since yesterday --- since I read your email --- and I just need a channel to vent out --- then why not write a blog?

3. After all, I've always thought that blogging is something that we both share --- or make that we both like. Makes me wonder have you ever read any of my blog?

4. Speaking of that email, imagine my surprise when I first read the sender's name.

5. And imagine my reaction when I read the message of the mail. --- I had a hard time concentrating on my next 2 calls --- alright make that 3.

6. It really got me thinking why was I included in the list of people you had sent it to.

7. And especially the part where my name was last on the list.

8. I was thinking maybe you were still in doubt whether to include me or not or maybe my name is really just simply last in your address book.

9. Then I thought it doesn't really matter as long as I was included.

10. Sorry, it means something to me.

11. It means a lot that I even replied on impulse.

12. Now, I'm wondering what could have been your reaction the moment you read my reply.

13. And I'm wondering if you are going to reply to my reply.

14. My email response is suppose to be 2 paragraphs longer --- but I omitted some lines. I tried to keep it short and simple.

15. I don't want you to think that I am too affected by your decision.

16. The truth is --- I am.

17. And I mean it when I said that somehow I regret that we never really had a chance to talk --- despite the number of opportunities we/I had.

18. I hate hate hate the awkwardness that we had.

19. I've accepted a number of invites thinking you'd be there and maybe we'd end up chatting or something since we're finally outside the work premise.

20. But it always ends up with you not being there.

21. Well, I know that your priorities had always been different from the rest of us.

22. But well again, there's just this thing called "taking chances."

23. I much rather have Kris Allen, Daniel Radcliffe or Mr. Darcy. But I much rather have you.

24. So yeah I do like you --- like more than a lot actually.

25. In fact I've created 3 blogs for you (this will be the 4th) and I've mentioned you in 11 of my blogs.

26. But then there was some time that I tried to deny it and even formulated my Top 10 reasons why I don't like you.

27. I told my friend Abigail about it but she did not believe them. Worse, she simply laugh it off. So I ended up not posting it.

28. Like I don't like our one and only picture together --- I look constipated. and the fact that you had it uploaded in one of your social sites makes it worse.

29. But I like the way you smiled in that picture. Maybe I am just really a hopeless romantic that I always thought you were smiling for the camera for me.

30. Which reminds me I still have two of your smileys that you had given me from our company smile campaign. I had it posted in my wall together with my "Today's Advice" poster. I regard that as a happy thought to keep on smiling.

31. So speaking of your smile, I actually like your dimple. I will always remember that elevator incident. I never thought I could make you laugh but I think I did. Although, I really feel stupid that day.

32. So yeah, maybe I still do like you. I am your official online stalker. --- I'm not sure if this is a bad thing. But yeah, I like looking at your profile pic.

33. But going back to your mail, I actually thought that maybe that's your way of saying: "Thank you that you had taken fancy of me but it's time to wake-up, it's over --- move on."

34. But I also thought that maybe that's your way of saying that you do appreciate my attention and that you do acknowledge my existence when all the while I thought you did not.

35. Since I'll never really know your reason I'll stick with number 34.

36. Now you might be wondering why I opted for 50. No particular reason. I was suppose to make this 100 since the amount of time it takes to get over someone should be at least one third of the time you were together (or in our case, "together"), which means more or less around 10 months --- that makes it more or less 300 days.

37. But then I thought there's really nothing to get over so why will I make it 1/3? I went for 1/2 of 1/3 instead.

38. I like you-- more than a lot.

39. I think that's the 3rd time I mentioned it here. I don't know, maybe I just want to set the record straight.

40. I never wanted to use the word love over you --- that's pretty scary.

41. So maybe it's a good thing that we no longer have a chance to work again together --- cause there's a possibility that it might go beyond like.

42. That line comes to mind again: I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you. Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you. --- good thing nothing is ever certain. Thank God for possibilities.

43. I don't know but yeah I will miss seeing those set of jackets.

44. I will miss your messy-obviously-I -just-woke-up-kind-of-hairstyle.

45. I will miss those times that I'd like to think that you're overstaying in the pantry cause I am there too --- eating/ pretending to read the newspaper.

46. I will miss us being teased in the office as if we're an item.

47. I will miss your stingy smile.

48. I will miss you.

49. I wish you happiness and may you finally find your place in the sun.

50. Hope you'll keep in touch. ♥

I think.

I have a question.

My pizza paused mid-air by his sudden change of expression --- he was attempting to look serious. I tried not to laugh. I shrugged it off and continued devouring the biggest slice of pizza I've ever had --- I was too hungry to care after all.

Do you like him a lot? And does this guy even have any idea how much you like him?

I almost choke --- Definitely. I never saw that coming.

But as usual I countered. Wrong question, I replied. Liked. And I don't know if he has any idea about it, I continued. As me and my friend talked about other things, the back of my mind is still wondering back to that question about you.

LikeD. I corrected him right away. Trying to force the issue that the real problem is the lack of letter D from the verb used instead of the more accurate Love. But I never mentioned it. Cause you see, I'd want to properly divide my life into the past, the present and the future. And obviously, I am trying so hard to categorize and make you as simply a part of my past.

I don't want you to be like a shadow always following me, always hanging around me, always haunting me every time I attempt to move on. I don't want to hope. I no longer want to be hurt. Because I was, I am...still...and the fact that you have no idea--- much more did not do it in purpose, doesn't cancel it out--- doesn't change anything.

I don't want to be in love with you anymore cause the truth is, it's easier for me to deal with you as the one who got away--- since that was your choice after all. Nobody forced you Not to choose me. But I should never allow you to be the one that never left my heart, never left my mind, just because I never even tried to forget.

I think I am better off this way. Alone. No please, don't pity me. The thing is, falling in love and trying to make a certain someone fall in love with you and then trying to stay in love and forcing yourself to fall out of love with someone who will never love you back is much much much more exhausting than being alone.

So yeah, I guess there are far more worse things than being alone.

I think,

Twenty-two.

How will you spend the day before your birthday? Maybe for most of us, we'd only regard it as another ordinary day. After all, what's worth celebrating about this day? It's like the death of your current age. Maybe one would even wallow and grieve especially for those who just hate getting old. Or maybe again for most of us, we'd just continue with our mundane life as if nothing is about to end. Maybe that's the right attitude: avoid the drama.

But maybe I am not one those "most of us". Cause here I am actually, writing about this kind of day: my last day as a 22-year old girl. Funny, I stopped for a minute and argued within myself whether I'd go for girl or woman. That reminded me of a Britney song. lol.

Anyway, I haven't really made anything extraordinary today. I was actually hoping I could do something extreme like some edge-coaster ride or bungee jumping or some zip-line experience maybe. Or something that I could do that would give me valid reason to shout on top of my lungs then I'd go on laughing out loud till I cry due to excitement, fear and sadness at the same time. Maybe then I'd get to release all of my life's sentimentality. Then maybe after that I could just simply grab a cup of coffee, sit in the corner of my favorite coffee shop and relive that moment.

Well, the extreme-part is totally not possible of course (or just maybe I simply have cold feet). So I opted for the coffee part. I went to my favorite coffee shop wearing this tattered old jeans, old faded tees and old black slippers. Funny how my old garments makes me feel so young. And I really didn't care if I was with a company of fashionable-corporate-looking customers. I was holding my journal when I ordered my coffee then Mr. Barista asked if my classmates will be joining me in a bit. It took me a full minute to fully comprehend the question before I responded that No, I am alone for now.

OK. The outfit and the notebook have done their part VERY well.

Or maybe that barista guy is simply not accustomed with "students" spending their afternoon chitchats alone.

Well, although I could say that I do love the company of my family and friends, I'd always love to take some time out alone. Completely alone. Like dine out or watch movie alone. Whatever. No-one left to act normal for. No need to hide who I really am. It's definitely… freeing.

There are those instances like now that I wish I could just sleep all day, and forget the world that exists outside of my slumber. Then just dream about what life could have been or what life can actually bring.

And then I'd try to look back and see the story of my life flash before me then I'd realize I haven't really lived life yet in its entirety.

After all I'm only 22. Ok. Almost 23 now. And when I look myself in the mirror I'd asked myself what have you become? And naturally, I’ll ask more questions that I really don’t want to know the answers to.

Again, ignorance, really, is bliss. Denial then is healthier than I had ever assumed.

Geez. Sorry, I think the last 5 paragraphs are out of the topic. Anyway, like what I have said, I am just another drama-queen tonight. But yeah, I am just thankful for this life. I thank God that I have more blessings more than downfalls. I thank God that I have more friends more than enemies. And I thank God that I have more love to give more than to hate. And that if I am to relive my last 22 years, I'd still choose to live with the people who loves me and with the haters who had made me strong.

And so in behalf of my young-haywired-mind, my crazy-heart speaks tonight.. and it's saying thanks and I LOVE YOU. ♥

Hello June.

First day of June.

Marks the end of summer and start of the rainy season and classes for students. Well, I don't know if it's a good thing that I could no longer relate for the latter but I remember writing an article about this month in one of my old blog sites. As to how this month had always been special for me. Not only because I dreamt of becoming a June bride and neither because I love walking in the rain or because I liked school. But because this month significe another digit in my years of living in this planet.

I watched Prince of Persia and the Sands of Time today and I like it. If only there's really such dagger and sand that could make it possible to go back in a certain time so you can undo all the things that have gone wrong.

Which also reminds me of the song that had been playing in my mind for the last hour: "Can we pretend that airplanes are like shooting stars in the night sky... I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now".

Maybe I'd wish for that moment when things are still so simple. Sometimes, I wish I could relive my childhood...when my only problem is someone will knock my ice cream down and mom won't let me watch TV...when ignorance is such a bliss.

Yeah, I could really use a wish right now, wish right now.

So what now?

This part of my life... This part right here... This part is called "Blog like there's no tomorrow".

OK.

So this is really is it. The "there's a lot of catching up to do"-part.

Yup, I've finally summon my knack for blogging and a couple of topics in my mind to actually sit down in front of the computer and type it all away and anyway, rest day is here to stay. hmmmm...I'm just in some mood for some rhymes today. =P

Alright. First stop: My 2nd year stay here in Cebu. I was suppose to write about this back in April 4 cause that's the day that I had landed and tried my luck here in Cebu. But obviously I was not able to. And anyway, I'm just feeling nostalgic and a little awed by how far I was able to go and how in the world I was able to get through the last 2 years of my oh-so-again-predictable-life.

I remembered the first time I got here. I had only brought a couple of tees and jeans and undies, a blanket and a handful of books. The plane only allowed 20 kilos maximum check-in baggage so mom said it would be better if I'll just buy more personal needs in here. I was like a scared little kitten crying every night wishing mom would actually fetch me any time. Of course that did not happen. And somehow if I'd think about it now, I could silently thank mom about that. She had given me trust more than I had asked for. Independence I learned comes with responsibility. It's a pretty scary gift. It can ruin you in the process if you don't know how to use it. And I'd like to think that my parents had brought me well enough to actually know the difference between right and wrong. I won't say that I've done all the right things back here. I have lots of regrets and a lot of I wish I did not do that. But in the end there's still a lot of things to actually thank for.

It's my second year of stay here in Cebu. So what now? I had this crazy notion that most things have expiration dates. Like having a crush on someone or loving someone lasts only until its second year. I think I got that from one of the shows I had seen somewhere but I can no longer remember what though. It posted this idea that if you somehow get through that 2nd year, it would only mean one thing: you are in trouble of making that for life. Of course I can not honestly admit that I agree with that idea 100%. I just find it cute? lol.

But yeah, it's my second year here in Cebu and with that principle above, that means I am overstaying. But yeah I...

Of Home and Of creating a whole New Book.

It's almost lunch now and I am waiting for my mom to get back home with lunch. It's been a while since somebody actually prepared food for me. I mean that's one of the disadvantage with working away from home: no mom to actually prepare the table for you. Funny, you'd never even mind hearing your mom's nagging. You'd even thought that you actually kind of miss that.

That and the never-ending fight/bantering of my younger bro and sis, a box full of my mom's Korean DVDs, FM statics's Tonight playing in the background from my older bro's battered looking guitar and the smell of my oldest bro's body mist body spray. Perfect signs that yes I am really finally home.

This is my 3rd day back here. So that makes it my 2nd to the last day of short-live vacation. That sounds sad but just like what they say, better than never. I never had a plan of going home this month but it's my younger bro's graduation so yeah, you can say that I'm trying to play the good-ole-sister-role and all. Sounds grand but yeah, I'd like to think that I really am.

It's been good so far. I met up with my gang last Sunday which was really great. Yeah, we do get updates from Facebook and Twitter and emails but of course talking and chatting physically is still the best. I miss those girls a lot. They make things easier to assess. All you need to do is to say a word or two like Cheese and Astroboy and they'd know exactly what to say next. Not to mention that they too can be brutally frank. They are like my left-tackle: always protecting my blind side.

Then I spent the next day watching movies with my siblings at home and also went out to watch How to Train your Dragon, then some dinner and desserts with family and my best friend. Too many things to do, Too little time. One can't help but to feel that way. But then you try not to think about that too much. You try to live with now and cherish it. But yeah, maybe I am just feeling a little melodramatic today.

I've said time and again that I love staying in Cebu and I love my job and work is pretty much the only thing that keeps me going on back there. And that the only downside is me again living away and alone from my family. Can you count that as an occupational hazard? Haha. Probably. Too much independence can bring depression and there by can hazardous for your brain's health. Maybe I must ask my boss for a raise. =p

But right now I am home. Camping in my brother's room and there's really nothing much to ask for. Maybe an extension? Or can I stay here again for good? =)

Haha. Not now of course. Maybe soon.

Maybe that'll be part of all this New Book thing. But then again: Chances are only what we make them. Nothing lasts forever. No matter how it feels today.

And today, I am contented. And happy. A little sad. But still more of happy nonetheless.

And all that's all I need .

Feeling Good.

I had a very good long sleep yesterday. My schedule was changed so it was my day off yesterday and today. I've been having trouble sleeping for the last days and yesterday was treat in itself. I feel rejuvenated. =)

I woke up at dawn, famished and fortunately I still had a can of Pringles and a pouch of M&Ms. To tell you the truth, I am not much of a healthy eater. And lately I am in to junkies and sweets and whenever I go out and "dine" out, burgers, fries and pizza are always first on my list. Good thing it's not showing off my weight.^_^

I just thought of jogging all of the sudden. When I was still in school, both for high school and college days, I always find time to jog in the morning once in a while. And it's been a while since the last time I've jogged. And that was one lazy afternoon with some of my office friends. With my line of job, of course jogging in the morning is close to impossible and so I thought why not grab the chance now that I actually have one? Good timing. Good mood. Good morning. Beautiful Day. And so I read some few chapters off the book I was reading (Three Weeks with my Brother by Nicholas Sparks) and then prepared my running shoes at 6. And then I was off to jog.

I remembered writing about running. Let me quote my own self: I had always liked to run. A habit I had probably picked up from running for our Naval Citizenship Army Training back in high school. Back in those days, we were forced to run our school perimeter ten times. And we are suppose to that with in 30 minutes. I never complained. Aside from the fact that of course in a military set-up, it's suppose to be an "obey first before you complain" policy, I never complained because I like running a lot. And I also like those chants that we had while we were running. =) When I finished high school I had still manage to retain that willingness to run. Although I'm not competitive anymore and seldom timed my runs, running is one of the few times I could be alone with my thoughts. Running feels good to me. The blood rush. The wind against my face The strain on my feet and legs I love the sweat dripping on my skin...It almost feels like I could get use to it forever.

Those still hold true for me. Jogging in the morning was really a good way to start off my day. I mean after the junkies, at least I was doing something "healthy". =p The morning breeze, the wind against my face and hair, it feels good to actually sweat out. A stress reliever. And I like my jogging place. It's a military camp so there's really a lot of trees and the air smells good.

And I can't help singing a song from Michael Buble': Birds flying high. You know how I feel. Sun in the sky. You know how I feel. Reeds driftin' on by...You know how I feel. It's a new dawn. It's a new day. It's a new life. For me. And I'm feeling good.

Yeah I am feeling good.^_^

Resolutions.

Avoid fast food. Lessen Coke in take. Starbucks coffee must only be once or twice a week. Instant coffee: one cup a day only. 1 hour of physical activity everyday (jogging/treadmill). Go to movie house only every other week. Say NO to liquor. Church at least 2 to 3 times a week. Start doing some self-review. Solve mathematical problems for at least 10 numbers a day. Call mom on a daily basis. Sleep 7 hours max. Blog as often as possible. Read more books. Save. Save. Save!

Wow. Quite a handful. Such a tall list of resolutions. But nah, those are simply things I wish I can do but it does not necessarily mean I will do them. Yup, I don't intend to religiously follow or do all of these things. So what's the point of mentioning/writing them if I don't intend to do them? Let's just say I'm simply joining the bandwagon. New Year's Resolution. Very Tacky. And I am 9 days late.

I've long give up on New Year's Resolution. As one gets older, as one matures (naks!) =) One realizes that you can pretty much make or start your resolutions any time of the year. It was somehow just a tradition especially for us Filipinos to have resolutions every new year. But it was never compulsory. So as for me, I don't think January is the right month to make major resolutions.

But I do have plans or things I am intending to do this 2010. I am intending to make this year as my period of learning. Such a very grand ambition. Haha. But in a way it is.

I am hoping that before the year ends I'd be able to get a driver's license, learn to play a full piano musical piece, if it's not too much, I'd like to relearn C language or learn maybe Java and maybe take some dancing lessons? lol. Kidding about the last part but who knows. Maybe I will. =p

Notice that I haven't mentioned (yet) anything pertaining to matters of the heart. Well, let's just say that's also one of my intentions this year, I will not put that in the top priority. Had too much focus on that last year. So Heart-thing must be put aside for the mean time.

So we'll see. (I think I've been using this line very often these days: we'll see). But we will never really know if I'd be able to learn or do all of these resolutions right? At least for now.

So again, we'll see.

At the Beginning

New Year.

And I'm 22. Turning 23 six months from now.

Older.

What does 2010 in store for me?

Nothing's ever sure of course.

Only one thing seems to be certain: there’s more growing up for me to do.