How will you spend the day before your birthday? Maybe for most of us, we'd only regard it as another ordinary day. After all, what's worth celebrating about this day? It's like the death of your current age. Maybe one would even wallow and grieve especially for those who just hate getting old. Or maybe again for most of us, we'd just continue with our mundane life as if nothing is about to end. Maybe that's the right attitude: avoid the drama.
But maybe I am not one those "most of us". Cause here I am actually, writing about this kind of day: my last day as a 22-year old girl. Funny, I stopped for a minute and argued within myself whether I'd go for girl or woman. That reminded me of a Britney song. lol.
Anyway, I haven't really made anything extraordinary today. I was actually hoping I could do something extreme like some edge-coaster ride or bungee jumping or some zip-line experience maybe. Or something that I could do that would give me valid reason to shout on top of my lungs then I'd go on laughing out loud till I cry due to excitement, fear and sadness at the same time. Maybe then I'd get to release all of my life's sentimentality. Then maybe after that I could just simply grab a cup of coffee, sit in the corner of my favorite coffee shop and relive that moment.
Well, the extreme-part is totally not possible of course (or just maybe I simply have cold feet). So I opted for the coffee part. I went to my favorite coffee shop wearing this tattered old jeans, old faded tees and old black slippers. Funny how my old garments makes me feel so young. And I really didn't care if I was with a company of fashionable-corporate-looking customers. I was holding my journal when I ordered my coffee then Mr. Barista asked if my classmates will be joining me in a bit. It took me a full minute to fully comprehend the question before I responded that No, I am alone for now.
OK. The outfit and the notebook have done their part VERY well.
Or maybe that barista guy is simply not accustomed with "students" spending their afternoon chitchats alone.
Well, although I could say that I do love the company of my family and friends, I'd always love to take some time out alone. Completely alone. Like dine out or watch movie alone. Whatever. No-one left to act normal for. No need to hide who I really am. It's definitely… freeing.
There are those instances like now that I wish I could just sleep all day, and forget the world that exists outside of my slumber. Then just dream about what life could have been or what life can actually bring.
And then I'd try to look back and see the story of my life flash before me then I'd realize I haven't really lived life yet in its entirety.
After all I'm only 22. Ok. Almost 23 now. And when I look myself in the mirror I'd asked myself what have you become? And naturally, I’ll ask more questions that I really don’t want to know the answers to.
Again, ignorance, really, is bliss. Denial then is healthier than I had ever assumed.
Geez. Sorry, I think the last 5 paragraphs are out of the topic. Anyway, like what I have said, I am just another drama-queen tonight. But yeah, I am just thankful for this life. I thank God that I have more blessings more than downfalls. I thank God that I have more friends more than enemies. And I thank God that I have more love to give more than to hate. And that if I am to relive my last 22 years, I'd still choose to live with the people who loves me and with the haters who had made me strong.
And so in behalf of my young-haywired-mind, my crazy-heart speaks tonight.. and it's saying thanks and I LOVE YOU. ♥
But maybe I am not one those "most of us". Cause here I am actually, writing about this kind of day: my last day as a 22-year old girl. Funny, I stopped for a minute and argued within myself whether I'd go for girl or woman. That reminded me of a Britney song. lol.
Anyway, I haven't really made anything extraordinary today. I was actually hoping I could do something extreme like some edge-coaster ride or bungee jumping or some zip-line experience maybe. Or something that I could do that would give me valid reason to shout on top of my lungs then I'd go on laughing out loud till I cry due to excitement, fear and sadness at the same time. Maybe then I'd get to release all of my life's sentimentality. Then maybe after that I could just simply grab a cup of coffee, sit in the corner of my favorite coffee shop and relive that moment.
Well, the extreme-part is totally not possible of course (or just maybe I simply have cold feet). So I opted for the coffee part. I went to my favorite coffee shop wearing this tattered old jeans, old faded tees and old black slippers. Funny how my old garments makes me feel so young. And I really didn't care if I was with a company of fashionable-corporate-looking customers. I was holding my journal when I ordered my coffee then Mr. Barista asked if my classmates will be joining me in a bit. It took me a full minute to fully comprehend the question before I responded that No, I am alone for now.
OK. The outfit and the notebook have done their part VERY well.
Or maybe that barista guy is simply not accustomed with "students" spending their afternoon chitchats alone.
Well, although I could say that I do love the company of my family and friends, I'd always love to take some time out alone. Completely alone. Like dine out or watch movie alone. Whatever. No-one left to act normal for. No need to hide who I really am. It's definitely… freeing.
There are those instances like now that I wish I could just sleep all day, and forget the world that exists outside of my slumber. Then just dream about what life could have been or what life can actually bring.
And then I'd try to look back and see the story of my life flash before me then I'd realize I haven't really lived life yet in its entirety.
After all I'm only 22. Ok. Almost 23 now. And when I look myself in the mirror I'd asked myself what have you become? And naturally, I’ll ask more questions that I really don’t want to know the answers to.
Again, ignorance, really, is bliss. Denial then is healthier than I had ever assumed.
Geez. Sorry, I think the last 5 paragraphs are out of the topic. Anyway, like what I have said, I am just another drama-queen tonight. But yeah, I am just thankful for this life. I thank God that I have more blessings more than downfalls. I thank God that I have more friends more than enemies. And I thank God that I have more love to give more than to hate. And that if I am to relive my last 22 years, I'd still choose to live with the people who loves me and with the haters who had made me strong.
And so in behalf of my young-haywired-mind, my crazy-heart speaks tonight.. and it's saying thanks and I LOVE YOU. ♥
