It's been pretty crazy these past days. With my sudden change of work responsibilities I had to do away with some personal things. I've been missing American Idol episodes and have to content my self with watching reruns every weekends. I haven't read the latest chapters of Naruto. Haven't twitted nor checked my facebook account. I even stopped blogging for a while. I just keep myself entertained when I read myself off to sleep or when I doodle over some notes when I thought of something worth while to blog but still unable to publish. Maybe time will come I'd finally mix them all up until such time they are worthy to be called blog entries.
I'm not complaining. I even think it's better this way. Maybe yes, I am taking my life seriously. Too seriously. I certainly am. I mean I am already 22, almost 23 now. And if I'd still play around, what is it there for me?
But I don' t want to think that I have a failing social life. Haha. Definitely not. Although if you're from the outside looking in to my life, it's just natural to think that my life is dull --- boring --- more or less almost lifeless. Work-sleep-work-eat-and-poop-in-between.=p Such bland combinations. There's definitely truth in all of those. I mean how hard is it to text or call someone so you'd be in a company? And why the heck am I not doing that?
However just like what I've said I think it's better this way. That's actually a lame excuse or sounds too defensive but I just think there are just people who are cut-out to be better off alone --- at least for quite some time.
Independence. That's what I value most right now. I value it too much that it tends to get pretty scary sometimes. You know when you are so used with doing everything on your own then all of the sudden another person comes in the picture? Yah definitely it's nice to be in a company but right now again I am so use with this set up that an immediate change is definitely a No-No. But I do realize I can't go on like this forever.
It just feels like I am trap in this bubble and I am just waiting for the time for me to get the courage to finally prick it open or better yet for someone to poke it so I could get out. Someone who could wear off the shield I've put up. Someone who could tumble down the walls I've built around me. Someone who could see beneath the surface. To see the sadness in my eyes despite my smile. To hear the loneliness in my voice despite my laughs. To know that my heart says different from the words that are coming out of my lips.
There's too much to say about the triumphs I had, about the griefs I had, about what I feel today, about what I am expecting tomorrow. That's very literal. I mean I haven't written a journal or blogged for a very long time now. I just got to take each day and step one at a time.
All I know is that these days are the same and different at the same time. And the lines from the song These Days from Rascal Flatts runs through my head..Yeah Life throws you curves but you've learned to swerve. Me, I swung and I missed and the next thing you know, I'm reminiscing...Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes, Like you would be back again. I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain, I put on that old song we danced to and then. I head off to my job, guess not much has changed. Punch the clock. Head for home. Check the phone (just in case). Go to bed. Dream of you. That's what I'm doing these days.
I'm not complaining. I even think it's better this way. Maybe yes, I am taking my life seriously. Too seriously. I certainly am. I mean I am already 22, almost 23 now. And if I'd still play around, what is it there for me?
But I don' t want to think that I have a failing social life. Haha. Definitely not. Although if you're from the outside looking in to my life, it's just natural to think that my life is dull --- boring --- more or less almost lifeless. Work-sleep-work-eat-and-poop-in-between.=p Such bland combinations. There's definitely truth in all of those. I mean how hard is it to text or call someone so you'd be in a company? And why the heck am I not doing that?
However just like what I've said I think it's better this way. That's actually a lame excuse or sounds too defensive but I just think there are just people who are cut-out to be better off alone --- at least for quite some time.
Independence. That's what I value most right now. I value it too much that it tends to get pretty scary sometimes. You know when you are so used with doing everything on your own then all of the sudden another person comes in the picture? Yah definitely it's nice to be in a company but right now again I am so use with this set up that an immediate change is definitely a No-No. But I do realize I can't go on like this forever.
It just feels like I am trap in this bubble and I am just waiting for the time for me to get the courage to finally prick it open or better yet for someone to poke it so I could get out. Someone who could wear off the shield I've put up. Someone who could tumble down the walls I've built around me. Someone who could see beneath the surface. To see the sadness in my eyes despite my smile. To hear the loneliness in my voice despite my laughs. To know that my heart says different from the words that are coming out of my lips.
There's too much to say about the triumphs I had, about the griefs I had, about what I feel today, about what I am expecting tomorrow. That's very literal. I mean I haven't written a journal or blogged for a very long time now. I just got to take each day and step one at a time.
All I know is that these days are the same and different at the same time. And the lines from the song These Days from Rascal Flatts runs through my head..Yeah Life throws you curves but you've learned to swerve. Me, I swung and I missed and the next thing you know, I'm reminiscing...Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes, Like you would be back again. I wake up and tear drops, they fall down like rain, I put on that old song we danced to and then. I head off to my job, guess not much has changed. Punch the clock. Head for home. Check the phone (just in case). Go to bed. Dream of you. That's what I'm doing these days.
You.
But who are you? Who is you? I think I would want to be in love with you. I mean even just the thought of you. But I don't even know you or I don't even know if there's a you for me. Would you come in my life and add some life in it? What's taking you so long?
Haha. Just want to end this post in a lighter note. But yeah.
2 comments:
That was quite refreshing. A change of pace should always be welcomed. It is still, after all, change. Life should be dynamic,not stale. I actually appreciated your silence. Made me wonder whats goin on with your life.
There's nothing I can say that would matter, except this: Live life one moment at a time. The past is gone and dead. Talking or writing about it wouldnt make any difference. Worry not about the future. It may never come. What matters is now ur still breathing, ur heart is still beating, and ur still a part of this universe. Cherish that feeling.
You can ask me marj who that "You" is. I don't know him either but I can give you a hint.
Seriously, you are one of the few people who recognized there's a You that's missing. And that "you" could be the one you're waiting for to make it clear to you what you are living for.
Maybe that "You" is a someone, maybe a guy, or Mr. Right. But honestly, there's just so much more about that "You" that no one could imagine. That "You" you're soul is yielding for could also be Him that started it all. The Him who loved us unconditionally.
Our hearts will tell it all and before the world began, He was implanted in our hearts long before the world has blurred it out by things of the world.
Just a suggestion!
Leave a Comment