Blues

I woke up with a headache. It's as if I had drunk a whole case of beer last night and I'm having a hang-over. Then what do you call that moment when you hate yourself for that self-inflicted pain? Is that self-abhorrence? Forget about that then. I was not that close to feeling that anyway. It's more of disorientation. And next thing was the realization that it's not hang-over. It was just another case of lack of sleep.

Somehow I pulled myself out of bed and went to work an hour after. Possibly, I'm simply having what other people would refer to as Monday Blues except that today is Tuesday and my Monday morning is a Tuesday late-afternoon. But then of course the headache was with-out purpose. It was there to remind me that I needed to shower, needed to have that slow walk to work and I badly needed to grab my first meal for the day. There seemed to be no point actually of going through all those things, no reason at all beyond the slavery of habit. But I was doing it anyway and still be doing it. Yes, habit pushes me all the way into the chair of my cube where I will sit for my whole shift, in front of my computer letting the night drag me off into gray drudgery.

And having my last day as a 21-years-old did not change anything. And after five hours, it'll still be the same.