jump then fall in to me.

While some of my office mates were busy dancing last company Christmas party that we had, me and my friend Abbie busied our selves having photo-ops with any cosplayer that we could see. Abbie was tagging me along with her till such time we saw him. Abbie said she have a plan. It's hypocritical to say that I am not excited with the thought of whatever that plan might be but the shy/modest me is holding me back. The last thing I need that night is him thinking/confirming that I do like him. But maybe after that night whatever doubt he might had is already non-existent today.

Abbie continued walking while I remained standing a few steps away, enough for me to hear and see what's happening at the corner of my eyes. He too was busy taking pictures and talking with some of his peers. He seemed to be nonchalant that Abbie was trying to get his attention. And so much to my surprise, Abbie forcibly pulled him to let him face her and with a tone that's more of a statement rather than a request said:

"Can I borrow you?"

I almost laugh when I heard that.

But even before he could answer she then pulled him over and when she reached my location, she pulled me as well, and let us stand side by side and said:

"OK, I'll take your picture".

And so there I was, forcing my self to smile, trying not to mind the uneven beating of my heart and trying not to think that he's actually there beside me smiling for the camera too. For once, I honestly forgot what's the right way to smile.

I can't seem to remember what happened next. I guess I just forced a smile and silently said thanks, turned my back and tried not to look back with two thoughts running in my head: What the hell just happened? and I must get out of here. And so I pretended to go to another cosplayer, acting as if I'd have another photo-op.

I can't say that I didn't saw that coming. I was somehow thinking that it's pretty much possible to have a picture with him that night but the right question was how. Abbie pretty much figured that out for me.

In the past, as far as me taking the "initiative" or making the first move to tell a guy that I do like him, it always involves a person like Abbie --- a friend who really enjoys/likes teasing me or a friend who would do everything to make me feel uncomfortably happy. In Abbie's case, that would be both. Over the years I've relied on quite a few "Abbies" to help me out. Help me out to get her job done to give me precisely what I want and when I want it.

Just like what happened that night, Abbie did her job properly.

It's crazy. But every time something like this happens I just find myself fighting the urge to thrust myself forward ---head-first and heart-first --- never minding if that someone will actually care to catch when I try to jump right off.

But yes, I continually and still fight that urge to jump over.

I don't like to be reminded that I need to be patient. I don't like to be reminded that being single involves a little amount of waiting ---alright make that a lot of waiting. But the more I think about it maybe (just maybe) patience is indeed the best virtue any woman should have.

Sounds primitive but I still want a guy (not necessarily the one I mentioned above) to do the jumping first. I want him to jump and fall in to me first.

That reminded me of a line from a Taylor Swift song: Don't be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me.

And so I wait for a guy who's not afraid to do so.

But for now, I am left looking at folded photographs hoping, wishing, dreaming he might be the one who'd do it.